if I was richer and smarter, maybe I can have a better future.
I know it sounds ungrateful, but it's a lot more than that.
No, I'm not wishing that I'll somehow be reborn in a rich family. I see "being rich" and "being smart" as something you earn and takes effort, and if I made that effort earlier, maybe I would be going with my plans instead of looking for a plan B or C.
Okay, first thing first, my heading, growing up.
I'm not going to talk about how fast time flies and bla bla bla. Instead, I'm gonna talk about the greatest invention devils have made, regrets.
The one thing I regret most right now, is how I'm still making plans at this moment, instead of doing it already. I'm now officially in my last year of school, and I should be excited, but all I can feel right now is how terrified I am. I think that I'm too much of a coward to take chances even though it might not affect anything significantly. But after thinking that I'm a coward, I start questioning, am I? I start getting the paranoia that I don't even know myself, that maybe all I think I am is just how my brain created myself, maybe I'm just thoughts and not an actual character. That way, how could I plan my future?
Another question came in, am I overthinking? But then, is overthinking really that bad? Or is it just a concept someone made because they spoil themselves and don't want to get burdened?
What I do know is that all these thoughts are driving me crazy. Probably 90% of them is not even relevant anymore, considering that I'm too old now, too old to think, and I should start doing something. I don't even think it matters if that thing I do is something that I like or I don't, because just like what I've said, I'm too old to think, thinking only leads to too much thinking, which leads to paranoia, and the rest you can either figure out yourself or you can re-read the previous paragraphs.
I better thing to think about is how to not let this happen to anyone. So get good grades, get a degree, be rich, and do what you can to protect (your) children from regrets.
When I re-read this I imagine a 50 years old writing it.
Eeeww, I'm old.
lots of love